Opened my PC this morning and browsed through my favorite torrent site to search for new movies to download and I got this:

 

Have you ever find yourself sitting in some place and kept looking at the door wishing someone would bust out of it and walk through towards you, take your hand and bring you away?

And then when you realized nobody is coming, for some reason, you feel a slight pain in the heart, and as quickly as it comes, you lower your heads, eyes closed, take a long deep breath, open your eyes and kept looking forward again. Eyes off door!

Because, who are you kidding, really. This is not a movie.

Hello guys and girls! I know it's late but happy new year everybody! =)

I don't know about u guys but new year seems to come too fast for me. It felt like just yesterday I dreamed and hoped for a better year in 2011. Better than the years before. I didn't even realize it but I actually have had quite a good year for 2011. Quite a good year.

2011 was what I called my 'developing self' year. I completely went out of my comfort zone and for the first time since I broke up end of 2005, I don't feel much like a looser anymore. I have found purpose in life. I slept every night with absolutely no thoughts of him anymore and I finally realized I have wasted my good early adult years waiting for something that is never gonna happen and I actually knew it since long ago but chose not to, just so I could feel that I still have a heart inside.

U know what, Dear 18,19,20,21,22 year old self. U don't need him to help u live your life. U don't need him to guide u in making any important decisions in your life. U don't need him when u cried because life was playing cruel on you, u don't need him to be absolutely happy, u don't need him for your confidence, u don't need him to mend a lonely night. And especially, U DON'T NEED HIM TO BE URSELF!

Huh, just figured that out. I thought I lost myself completely when he left me, but I was wrong. I never lost myself. I just don't know who I really am. I've spent my whole teenage years growing up with him, everything in my life was him, I've put a label for myself as 'his girl', I be 'his girl', do what he want, do what's convenient for our relationship and that my life goal was him. Pfttt WHAT WAS I THINKING!

Well, got caught up in there! Ok as I said, 2011 was quite a good year for me. Here's why:

1. When I talked about being completely out of my comfort zone, I meant working while I was still studying. As a 'Customer Service Representative' no less! A job that requires me to talk to people and well answering phone calls. Interesting since I'm not really a public person, I get shy around strangers, and there I was, even though not in person, talking to  total strangers with a whole different kind of accents that I didn't even understand sometimes. Fun, but after 4 months I get bored. (And also cause I graduated and I know I can do and earn better if I resign).. :p Nevertheless, It boosted up my resume. So, yayyy! =)
2. Finished my degree with a sharp 3.00 CGPA. I was not a genius nor am I hardworking student, so I think I kind of deserved that. Because I wanted that 3.00 so bad, I needed to get a solid A on my last paper, if I even get A- minus, I would've ended up with a 2.99 CGPA for my degree. So close but yet so far. Never gonna let that happen. Miraculously, despite the many obstacles, (Oh, yea I almost might ended up getting a 'B' as my lecturer claimed I cheated on my final assignment, pfttt bad experience!). Alhamdulillah everything resolved and u know if u really want something u'll get it? I got the 'A'.
3. Job hunting! Fabulous experience ever for me. Need I say more? Let's just say out of all 7 interviews I went to, I got the best of it and I can say I love my job now. The best thing I ever achieved in 2011!
4. Exercising and of being healthy and fit. I signed up for  bootcamp, sort of exercise regime which was no aerobic and no walking in the park kind of routine. I ALMOST DIED DURING THE FIRST SESSION! Totally unfit! :p But ah, well after 3 months I kind of just get by. Until now I still haven't loss that much weight, but hey, I'm working on it! Let's just say, I am still a work in progress. But I gained muscles though. Not that much, but ah well.. =)
5. I made the biggest purchase on books of my entire life in the year of 2011. FUN FUN FUN! But I have yet to finish even 3 books out of almost 20 new books? My badddd.. I was too busy! Item no.3 and 4 are the reason why. 

I am in BIG trouble now. Like a major self control trouble. You see, my sister before was (and well still is) a shopaholic and quite a big spender. When she started working she shop like mad. Like seriously over the top mad. She buy what she felt like buying and all are with just a swipe of the card. I used to envy her. Yes, she would splurge on me also sometimes (quite GENEROUSLY) and I think that's when I started becoming a shopaholic myself.

But, as we all know, the use of credit card is excessively dangerous as you are actually spending more than your budget allows you and it comes with extra interest rate that u don't have to pay if you are using cash or your debit card. And that's when I noticed over the last few years my sister never shop like she used to during her early years working anymore. And also she stopped buying stuffs for me too. =( Turns out, her credit card outstanding amount is so big that her monthly net incomes becomes negative for every month. I wouldn't state the amount here but it was huge!

Thanks for her workaholic-ness issue, she managed to paid all the debts eventually and next year Insyaallah she would be free! Hahah.. HOWEVER, no matter how people said you learn from your older sibling's mistakes, the younger ones tends to follow also. It's in the blood, I guess.

From the moment I realize how credit card can ruin your life, I vowed to myself I would never EVER in a million years applied for a credit card when I started working. The first 3 months I was successful. I shop using only cash and sometimes debit card. It was nice but I still can't afford to buy everything I want on the list.

Until one day, a courier arrived and there's my name on it. Inside, it was a credit card! I was like, whatttt I never applied for this thing! Turns out I did. Accidentally NOT ON PURPOSE while I was applying for a joint loan for mom. I thought it was just another form when I filled in the credit card form. Didn't notice the form's name. Duhhh..

My mom asked me to straight away go to the bank and cancel the card. But I was busy and couldn't find the time to go and get rid of the card. Days goes by. Weeks goes by. A month until I got the card. I never have the desire to even use it.

Until one Friday. One very good Friday. Me and my sister were in a book shop. And we saw this: