Not a movie

2012-01-28T22:56:00.000+08:00

Have you ever find yourself sitting in some place and kept looking at the door wishing someone would bust out of it and walk through towards you, take your hand and bring you away?

And then when you realized nobody is coming, for some reason, you feel a slight pain in the heart, and as quickly as it comes, you lower your heads, eyes closed, take a long deep breath, open your eyes and kept looking forward again. Eyes off door!

Because, who are you kidding, really. This is not a movie.

First of 2012

2012-01-07T23:49:00.000+08:00

Hello guys and girls! I know it's late but happy new year everybody! =)

I don't know about u guys but new year seems to come too fast for me. It felt like just yesterday I dreamed and hoped for a better year in 2011. Better than the years before. I didn't even realize it but I actually have had quite a good year for 2011. Quite a good year.

2011 was what I called my 'developing self' year. I completely went out of my comfort zone and for the first time since I broke up end of 2005, I don't feel much like a looser anymore. I have found purpose in life. I slept every night with absolutely no thoughts of him anymore and I finally realized I have wasted my good early adult years waiting for something that is never gonna happen and I actually knew it since long ago but chose not to, just so I could feel that I still have a heart inside.

U know what, Dear 18,19,20,21,22 year old self. U don't need him to help u live your life. U don't need him to guide u in making any important decisions in your life. U don't need him when u cried because life was playing cruel on you, u don't need him to be absolutely happy, u don't need him for your confidence, u don't need him to mend a lonely night. And especially, U DON'T NEED HIM TO BE URSELF!

Huh, just figured that out. I thought I lost myself completely when he left me, but I was wrong. I never lost myself. I just don't know who I really am. I've spent my whole teenage years growing up with him, everything in my life was him, I've put a label for myself as 'his girl', I be 'his girl', do what he want, do what's convenient for our relationship and that my life goal was him. Pfttt WHAT WAS I THINKING!

Well, got caught up in there! Ok as I said, 2011 was quite a good year for me. Here's why:

When I talked about being completely out of my comfort zone, I meant working while I was still studying. As a 'Customer Service Representative' no less! A job that requires me to talk to people and well answering phone calls. Interesting since I'm not really a public person, I get shy around strangers, and there I was, even though not in person, talking to total strangers with a whole different kind of accents that I didn't even understand sometimes. Fun, but after 4 months I get bored. (And also cause I graduated and I know I can do and earn better if I resign).. :p Nevertheless, It boosted up my resume. So, yayyy! =)
Finished my degree with a sharp 3.00 CGPA. I was not a genius nor am I hardworking student, so I think I kind of deserved that. Because I wanted that 3.00 so bad, I needed to get a solid A on my last paper, if I even get A- minus, I would've ended up with a 2.99 CGPA for my degree. So close but yet so far. Never gonna let that happen. Miraculously, despite the many obstacles, (Oh, yea I almost might ended up getting a 'B' as my lecturer claimed I cheated on my final assignment, pfttt bad experience!). Alhamdulillah everything resolved and u know if u really want something u'll get it? I got the 'A'.
Job hunting! Fabulous experience ever for me. Need I say more? Let's just say out of all 7 interviews I went to, I got the best of it and I can say I love my job now. The best thing I ever achieved in 2011!
Exercising and of being healthy and fit. I signed up for bootcamp, sort of exercise regime which was no aerobic and no walking in the park kind of routine. I ALMOST DIED DURING THE FIRST SESSION! Totally unfit! :p But ah, well after 3 months I kind of just get by. Until now I still haven't loss that much weight, but hey, I'm working on it! Let's just say, I am still a work in progress. But I gained muscles though. Not that much, but ah well.. =)
I made the biggest purchase on books of my entire life in the year of 2011. FUN FUN FUN! But I have yet to finish even 3 books out of almost 20 new books? My badddd.. I was too busy! Item no.3 and 4 are the reason why.

So, yeah.. That was my 2011. And now it has ended. Comes the new year 2012. I know this year is going to bring its own set of challenges to me. But ah, well, I'll get through. I always get through. What doesn't kill u makes u stronger, no?

Dear 2012, bring it on!

misznatra

Not a movie

First of 2012